Letters to the People of I-Drive: How to Buy a Tube of Lube

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I was recently hired to work at a fancy pants restaurant on International Drive, the most touristy of tourist places in Orlando (just short of Disney Planet and Universal Studios, of course).  With such diverse crowds coming into our city from all over, spending lots of their money, and then continuing on their merry way, this side of town is ripe for bizarre encounters.  People on vacation like to “let loose.”  Some people should absolutely never, ever, under any circumstances “let loose.”

Below is the first of (potentially) many letters to some of the many visitors that come to Orlando to let their freak flags fly:

Dear Gentleman Thoroughly Browsing the Personal Lubricants in Walgreens,

Your bedroom pragmatism is only surpassed by your total lack of interest in the opinions of others around you.  For that, I envy you.  Thank you for resting your glasses on your forehead and bringing the box to within an inch of your face to read the fine print.  I shudder to think of the words that those tiny letters spell, but you are brave in the face of unabridged (and probably horrific) side effects and disclaimers.  
Sincerely,
The Guy in All Black

 

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6 thoughts on “Letters to the People of I-Drive: How to Buy a Tube of Lube

  1. underwaterraven

    Oh my gosh I’ve totally stayed at a hotel near International Drive! When the kickboxing world champs were in Orlando in 2012 I went and we were in a hotel literally on the opposite side of the road to Universal Studios. There’s a good chance I’ve been into wherever you work! Such a small world.

    • Awesome! That’s so close to my new job! We get a lot of British tourists and I always think of you and TisForTea. I think it would be awesome to meet some of my favorite bloggers face to face someday.

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